Steppingstonestofaith

As I reflect on the difficulty of accepting a new mom in my daughter’s life, I’m reminded of the insecurities, feelings of worthlessness, and the sense of failure I once had.

Those emotions resurface now, even though she’s no longer four, no longer that little girl who was eager to meet her dad’s friend.

I remember when she asked why her dad and I broke up, and when she couldn’t understand why we couldn’t make it work. Those questions, some of which I knew she couldn’t fully grasp, were hard to face.

As a mom, I wonder: if kids understood that adults sometimes make bad decisions, but we love our children so deeply that we would do anything for them, would that help ease the pain? Would it make things hurt a little less?

I wonder if they realized that if they stopped comparing us to their step-parents, it might feel more like a compliment than an insult.

You might think I’m hurt by all of this, and truthfully, I’m not. My little girl is growing up, and the struggles I faced when she was four seem insignificant now compared to the challenges I’m navigating today. I’m certain that with time, this too will feel like just another part of the journey.

I believe that if parents can resolve their issues, kids would have less to carry, but I also know that the path to this realization is not easy. After my ex and I separated, I initially didn’t want my daughter exposed to his girlfriend (now wife), as I was afraid it wouldn’t lead to anything lasting. That decision was made out of hurt. But after many months of counseling and as my relationship with God grew, I chose to let her spend time with them and get to know this woman who would become a significant part of her life.

Coming to the realization that I am not God in this relationship, and understanding that her dad is responsible for his actions while I am responsible for mine, changed everything not only in how I interacted with them but also in how I parented my daughter.

In just a few weeks, she’ll be turning 10.

Lately, I’ve been hearing comparisons to her other mom. You could say she’s observant, and maybe there are other reasons behind it. But honestly, I just wish it would stop. Some might ask, “Why don’t you just tell her to stop?” Others might say, “Maybe you need to ask yourself why it bothers you.”

To be completely transparent, I don’t know. I’m still figuring it out. What I do know is that I need to address these feelings before they turn into reactions I’ll regret. I’ve learned that everything happens for a reason.

As I work through these emotions and questions, I trust that God is strengthening me in ways I may not fully understand right now. I know that He is using this process to shape me into the image of Christ. When I do find answers, I hope to share them with you.